I started this blog with the aim of emptying my thoughts into the universe and releasing them from the holding cell that is my brain. Thus far I am doing a terrible job. I still have those thoughts, and I often say, "I will blog about this" but I find myself too lazy to put in the effort to type. If I could speak the blog into existence it would probably have well over 100 posts by now since my brain is very active. I think of all kinds of things: politics (and how much I hate it esp when it intrudes in on science), my faith and all the ways I am failing at living up to God's expectations of me, where I am and where I'm headed in life and much more.
I had to deliberately commit to writing this post. I logged in and was immediately sucked into reading some of the new blog posts on my reading list. I almost didn't write my own. I get distracted very easily. I always decide to do something and something else comes up and before I know it I have no idea what I started in the first place. It is an area which I desperately need to work on but haven't a clue where to start.
I'm in lab after having a day of mixed results. Run a PCR overnight and I wasn't pleased with the results so I had to run it again. I'd been putting it off for weeks, maybe months but I finally decided to get it done and over with. I'm glad that I did. That's one thing crossed off the virtual list. I was also able to take some pretty great pictures (PI is pleased) of my ES cell colonies that I'm growing. I was even able to see some GFP positive ones which is a bonus and felt like icing on the cake. We a writing a grant based on my thesis work and I the green colonies means the construct that I spent months building works. Hooray!! for me. I also had some not so good results with a DNA prep that I was trying to do. I don't think that the phenol that I used to make the phenol/chloroform was good. so I have to go back to picking colonies in a while (literal pain in the neck being hunched over the microscope). Overall its been a good day.
The best thing which happened was personal but I dare not share on here. Let's just say that I learnt a very important lesson and I have a new outlook on my life.
I've been doing a lot of blog reading in the last few weeks and I honestly think that blogging is one of the most awesome "inventions" ever. I love reading posts from people around the country or world who I can relate to. One of them started back in 2009 when she was nearing the end of her PhD and blogs about her experiences during and after with advice tossed in. This experience has been a bit strange for me. It may be difficult to believe since I attend a pretty big university with a large graduate school and I am part of an incoming class of more than 70 in my theme but I feel terribly alone sometimes. Reading the experiences of someone who has been through it and survived, and has "stuff" that I can identify with makes me feel better. Feeling this alone may be due to the fact that 90% of my time of of lab is spent by myself. I have been here almost 2 years and I have no one I can call a friend. I have acquaintances from classes, people I smile at in the hallway but there is no one person or group that I hang out with. Maybe while reading previous and future posts a general idea of the kind of person I am will form and my predicament will be easier to understand.
All of my friends live far away from me, even the in-state one who live 1 hr away by car is technically far since I don't drive. I talk on the phone and IM but it's not the same as having someone physically present. I am going to actively attempt at developing relationships with other "real" people but I have such low expectations for that endeavor that I doubt anything will come of it.
As you can see, there was no real theme here but I felt like releasing these thoughts so that I can make room for some more.
Hopefully my future posts will be more themed and organized like the ones I enjoy so much.
Toodles,
Dee.
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