1 Year Blogiversary

Over a year ago I started this blog to empty my head of some of the thoughts that seemed to be taking up residence there. A year in, I realize that this is nowhere as easy as I had imagined partly because I hadn't considered that my interest in the blogosphere and my desire to actually write out my entries would fade. I started off real slow with writing but I did quite a bit of reading. I discovered lots of scientist and science writers (check out the blog roll) and I felt like part of a community. Many of the write about real life experiences, the triumphs and failures of the vocation and other random stuff. In the coming year I will try to do a little more science related writing ( a little about my field though not too much lest I give it up). I will try to do less venting and more constructive writing. I have tons of ideas, just not the time (and when I do have time, the inclination) to sit and write. Thanks to my small readership. I appreciate you and look forward to continuing this journey with you.

Catch me on the Twitterverse @Dee_Blastula

Toodles

Dee

Recipe 1

I've always loved cooking though not all the time and lately I've become bored with cooking the same things over and over again so I've been thinking of trying new dishes.

Here is the first Recipe I'd like to try from here

Thai Massaman Chicken
Adapted from All Recipes


Ingredients:

2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 tablespoons curry paste
1 (3/4 inch thick) slice ginger, minced
1 1/4 pounds skinless, boneless chicken breast meat – cubed
3 tablespoons fish sauce
3 tablespoons tamarind paste*
1/3 cup peanut butter
1 cup cashews
1 (13.5 ounce) can coconut milk
3 tablespoons fresh lime juice
3 tablespoons brown sugar


Directions:

Heat vegetable oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Stir in curry paste and minced ginger; cook and stir for 2 minutes. Stir in the cubed chicken, and cook until the pieces turn white on the outside, about 3 minutes.

Stir in brown sugar, fish sauce, tamarind paste, peanut butter and coconut milk. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer until the chicken pieces are no longer pink in the center, about 20 minutes. Add the lime juice and cashews and cook for an additional 5 minutes before serving.


Serving suggestions - serve with white rice and sliced avocado.


*If you have trouble finding tamarind paste, you can substitute with 1/4 cup fresh orange juice and 2 tsp of lime juice.

You want what????

Dear Women:

Since there's no way we're ever going to pay you the same as your male counterparts, how about we let you leave work a little early. That way you can get home in time to prepare a hot meal for when your hard working husband gets home from work and the kids from school. Wait, what?? Some of you are unmarried and childless?? Well, hurry up and fix that. I mean that is what God created you for, isn't it? How do you possibly expect to be fulfilled if you don't have children and a husband to cater to. Some of you women crack me up. Working outside the home (where you belong) and demanding equal pay. You should be happy that we hired you at all-with you innie instead of outie. Go on then. I'm busy over here. I've got work to do before I rush home to a hot meal prepared by my less equal but better half.

Signed
A Man's man

Nobel Week

Yeah Yeah!!! I've been gone for a min now I'm back again. Trying to establish my Pseudonym..lol

Anyways, This week is Nobel week and I'd like to send out warm congratulations to all the winners especially those in Medicine: Dr. Yamanaka and Sir Gurdon and Chemistry: Dr. Lefkowitz and Dr. Kobilka.

The Medicine and Physiology prize hits close to home since I work in a Stem Cell lab and have actually read the Takahashi et al paper. And I will be generating iPSCs for my dissertation work.

Toodles
Dee.

Will try to blog more frequently and about more science/grad school topics.

Bad Luck

Went to a seminar today and finally built up the nerve to ask a question (a really good one) but the moderator said we had run out of time before I got a chance to.

Dark side of human nature

Today I grieve for a young girl who I didn't know. She share's a first name with my own cousin and the last name of the man I love-a name I may one day call my own.Why do I grieve? She is no longer with us. Why? She was ripped from among us by the most horrendous act of violence that one may ever experience as WOMAN. She was 16/17. She left home to run an errand which would change the course of her life either way it turned out. Earlier in the year she had taken a regional exam and left home to collect the results at her school. She did so, run another errand and was never seen again. People speculate about what happened and they have no right. No-one deserves what happened to her. Why did it happen to her? Well first she was a girl. Whoever took her, [may have raped her and] murdered her obviously had an attraction to women though it seems to be a sadistic one. He felt the need to exert his power on a young girl who probably couldn't defend herself. It may have been planned or it may have been a crime of opportunity. Unless he is caught we will never know. Her death reminds me of a rape and murder which took place when I was much younger. The killer's reason was written on a wall- she had too much "style" (meaning she was too snobbish).  

So today I grieve, for her and for all those young lives we've lost to the viciousness of rape and murder. I pray that her family can recover from this blow and find the strength to go on.

Pro-Life and Pro-Choice

I am pro-choice and anti-abortion. Yes, it is possible since they are not mutually exclusive as those on either side of the debate would have you believe. I am a Christian and as such I believe in the sanctity of life. I believe that life begins at conception and that every life has a purpose although it may not be immediately apparent. Just ask parents who have given birth to and cared for children who they were told would never live “normal” lives but who ended up not just living but thriving. Ask those who gave birth to children who were terminally ill but had enough time with them that their lives were forever changed and whose short existence gave them a purpose they would otherwise have never realized. At the same time I believe in God-given free will-the freedom to choose whatever path you desire with a clear understanding of the consequences. Even he does not impose His desires on man so why should we. If a medical professional chooses to be in the business of abortions then he is free to do so. If a woman decides that she wants to seek out and take advantage of his services then she should have the freedom to do so. I completely DISAGREE with both their choices. If I had a say I would recommend adoption. I would tell her how her baby would be going to a lovely home with people who really wanted it and that it would grow up with the best of everything. But at the end of the day it’s really a matter of choices, choices that I believe she should have. Life is not the opposite of choice so I can be both Pro-Life and Pro-Choice at the same time. The only time that I believe it is ok to terminate a pregnancy is when the mother and child are at risk e.g. ectopic pregnancies. If you don’t terminate, the baby will die anyway and put the mother at serious risk possibly killing her as well. Some people would recommend that you take your chances and see what happens (despite all the medical data out there-care to guess who). To them I say, if you ever have cancer, you should take your chances and see what happens. 

My 2 cents

Akin and the rest of the party are a bunch of hypocritical jackasses. The End.

I'm going to try a hobby

Today while wallowing in self pity I went ahead and did something a little crazy. I have never been an artist though I have secretly wished that I was. I never did anything to even find out whether I had any talent with a brush and some pigments-until today. I went all out and bought acrylics, easel, brushes, palettes and paint boards (stuff to paint on). It amounted to a nice chunk of change but It's not something that I have to run through at once. I will dabble while learning about painting and seeing where it leads. I have no big dreams of  being showcased in art galleries but I hope this helps me get through this bout of depression. I can't afford to be depressed. Life goes on and will leave me behind.

Toodles,
Dee

I'm Alone

I haven't been keeping to my regularly scheduled blogging which I will try to remedy. Today i will rant about something I've mentioned before but which came up again. I am lonely here. I am a grad student with 0 friends in grad school which may be a recipe for disaster. I use the word friends to describe people confide in and can call up anytime etc- a BFF. I have people I and cordial with- I smile and try to make small talk with but only when we happen to run into each other. It is depressing!!! I went to a function where everyone else seemed to have other people they know and hang out with and I felt like the odd one out. I had no shared experiences with them so I could not contribute much or know who and what they were talking about. LD Partner tried to make me feel better after I retreated to a corner and started texting with him but he can't really grasp what I'm going through. he lives near his family and is works with and goes out with his friends. He knows that I am a loner since the only place we went with other people was church and bible study. We never had anyone over for lunch or dinner or were invited out. One of the reasons for this is that I don't like being a third or fifth wheel and most everyone I know out here has a partner. So going out with 3 other couples and being alone does not appeal to me. The only other place I can interact with people is church and there seem to be tight knit networks already formed which I feel uncomfortable breaking into. I've also not gone to church for about 3 weeks and no-one has called to see if I'm ok or messaged (except for an older lady I find outrageously nosy and did not respond to).

So, I am alone. My lab has 2 other  people-one older and married with kids and the other younger but probably with other friends since we really don't talk much. I did the initial outreach to a girl I was trying to be friends with. We went to lunch once but since then nothing really except for meetings in the hallways. I'm tired and frustrated and lonely. I am a Christian, I don't swear, I don't drink much (been to bars and don't plan on going again), I'm a homebody. Maybe I should avoid social situations entirely since I only realize how lonely I am after one of them.

Toodles
Dee

I can't think of an appropriate title

There has been lots of talk about Christians and The Church in general in the “atmosphere” in the last few weeks. Just about everyone has heard of the growing debate about same-sex marriage. There are opponents and proponents which will always be the case because we are free thinking humans and we base our decisions on experience, emotions and a myriad of other complex factors. Christians have been taking a lot of heat for their perceived intolerance and bigotry and …yeah, you get the point. I am not sure how to broach the subject without being lump in with the rest my brothers and sisters in Christ.

 In order to understand why Christians believe this you need to understand Christianity and have some knowledge of the Bible. If you have no idea what’s in there, then I don’t think that it’s fair to judge-at least not objectively (that sounds weird but bare with me). We Christians believe that the Bible was inspired by the creator of the universe and written by men to use as a history book and life manual. I’ve heard it described as God’s love letter to His Church. This love letter has many unpleasantries and many question its authenticity. I’m not going to get into all of that. What I would like to mention is why I think some Christians (as Christianity is a spectral religion) hold the beliefs that they do by stating a simple fundamental fact that I’ve come to learn: we were created by God for HIS glory and pleasure. How does that translate into what we see today? Well for one, we have developed into a culture which embraces and promotes self exaltation which is in direct contrast to what is taught in scripture. We cheer for Olympic athletes who can accomplish great feats of strength, speed and endurance and reward them for it. They are given endorsements worth millions to promote products based on our idolatry of them and their skills. We as a people see nothing wrong with it because we were raised in the culture and we basically know nothing else. We are raised to be the smartest in our class, the fastest on the track, the most fun-loving in our group of friend. We thrive on being loved and exalted by those around us. Social networking adds other dimensions- we derive our status from how popular we are on FB, how many followers we have on the T, how many times we get retweeted etc. Essentially we thrive on being celebrated, it’s a status symbol and we place our worth of ourselves in what others think of us. We live our lives (me included) trying to make ourselves happy. We buy cute shoes so that we can get complimented. We buy the latest electronics so that we feel superior to the guy with the outdated gadget. I could go on but you should get the gist by now.

I believe (don’t quote me since this is my interpretation) that pursuing relationships falls in with our need for validation. We need someone to love us, tell us we’re beautiful, and wipe our tears. In biblical times and even today in some countries, people don’t get married for the reasons that the we in western world do. In some cases, you don’t have a choice in who you marry; it’s about duty and obedience. Christians have adapted marriage differently but with undertones of these “prehistoric” reasons.

So how does this mish-mash that I’ve described mean anything? Well, pursuing relationships is one way which we seek to please ourselves. Many people don’t give a second thought to God when choosing a partner. Christianity teaches that your marriage should honor God first (don’t ask me about Christian divorce. If your marriage honoring God should mean that you will honor each other I don’t understand why Christian marriages end up in divorce but they do). In order for your marriage to honor God, it has to mimic the first marriage described and created by God himself-Adam and Eve. One man One woman. (Modern Christians completely ignore the cases of Polygamy described and in some cases Okayed by God (King David for one who God loved). In the Church, a Christian can’t marry a non-Christian and even within Christianity you can’t or shouldn’t marry outside your denomination since differences in belief are sure to lead to discord.

So how does that affect those who identify as LGBT among us? Well for one two men or two women can never honor God. The Bible (English translations) makes specific references about homosexuality being an abomination. In line with our selfish nature, seeking a relationship with someone of the same gender may make us happy but we were not created to make ourselves happy.

The chief end of man is to glorify God. So if the chief end of man is to glorify God we are to deny ourselves anything which though it would make us happy, would displease God. That’s it. It is actually a pretty simple concept but one which we have great difficulty accepting (me included) because of innate nature to please ourselves first.

Questions I’ve asked myself:

Does the marriage of atheists honor God even though they are opposite in gender?

What is the definition of marriage in this society? Is it sacred joining together of two people who love God and each other (as defined by The Church) or a civil ceremony where a document confers exclusive legal rights to the parties involved.

If it is the first then, off course we can’t have same sex marriage but if it the second, then why not?

Would I prefer for a child in the “system” to remain in the system and be abused and neglected than adopted into a home with two people who love each other who happen to share the same genitalia?

Is homosexuality genetic? If it is I’d be better to reconcile it. Is it my business to understand it? 

*Waves Hello*

Hey there you few and far between readers. Haven't updated much because I've been busy: things are moving along in lab, working on my relationship and then last week the Olympics started and I've been trying to take in as much as I can with my limited available time.

I am proud to say that my tiny country was able to send 4 Olympians to London and one of them is a former classmate who even came to my house once (to study Calculus in college-A' level Pure Mathematics to be exact). I'm Rooting for my small team and Team USA since I reside here and almost always root for my "home teams".

I also want to shout out a friend who got married this past weekend. I really appreciate your friendship and advice and I wish you (TAME-H and KH) all the best as you start on this new journey.

Be good and stay safe folks.
Dee

First Committee Meeting

I had my first meeting today and it went well. The nerves were in full effect before but I managed to calm down enough to do a decent job of it. The entire project depends on the success of a seemingly monumental first step. I was told that as soon as I got it to work, I'd be ready to defend my proposal.

Bucket List

I promise that some day, eventually I will blog about "real science" but there are so many out there doing a far better job than I can ever imagine doing so for now it is about my insecurities, triumphs, failures and random thoughts. Today's random thought is ...you guessed it: Bucket Lists.

Before I get into my list which will be updated as I discover more wonderful things in life, I wanted to ramble on a bit. One of the things that I am sort of proud of is that at a pretty young age I realized how fragile life is. I'm sure you're saying, "No shit Sherlock" but this recognition has pretty much shaped my life. For example: I think about death A LOT!!!  I think at least once a day and mostly about mine. Yeah, no point dwelling on the inevitable but that's what drives my obsession with it. It is inevitable. I will in no way hasten its arrival or tempt it my participating in extreme sports, mountain climbing, bungee jumping etc but regardless it is the one certainty of my future. I will die. How I spend my time alive then becomes that much more important. The experiences I have are just that, experience. They will cause joy, pain, and all other possible emotions that only I can fully comprehend and after I die, it will all be gone. If you/I do something worth remembering, the  emotions will not factor into that remembrance. Of course someone will articulate that "(s)he was thrilled, or happy" but those words can never truly capture the exact feelings that one experiences. But that does not make those experiences any less real at  those instances. So I have simple rules that I try to live by

1. I won't eat anything that I don't like. Simple. this stems from my childhood when I was forced to eat everything which was on the plate in front of me. There were no kid's meals. You ate the same meal as your parents and you ate it all. I have been forced to eat many things that I simply don't like. I have no control over my taste buds -I either like it or I don't. Since life is short, I refuse to spend even a minute of that time eating something that I won't truly enjoy eating. And I do enjoy eating. I love white bread, pears, broccoli, sweet potatoes, MD french fries, chocolate/coffee/banana ice cream mangoes and so many other things. But I don't like eating green plantains (cooked), dasheen, yams (sweet potatoes are not yams), tofu, oysters so I simply won't.

2. I don't confront people. Might be the reason why I think I need counseling (unresolved issues) but confrontations are unpleasant and almost make me sick. I have a hard enough time just sitting and talking to someone when I'm nervous (I sweat, my voice trembles) without adding the fact that the content of the discussion may be really unpleasant and/or hostile. Instead, I distance myself. If I feel like I've been wronged, especially personally, I distance myself until there's nothing left. If the other person wants to talk, I will oblige him/her but I won't ever initiate. (No I have not sought professional help but my brother and I agree that we are scarred and do need it at some point; for now, this blog is therapy).

3. I will always try to help where I can. If I am asked for help which I am capable of offering then I will do what I can. If I can't I won't dwell on it to much. I like helping people. There is something to be said about the feeling you get when someone expresses genuine gratitude. I don't do it for the gratitude-sometimes people don't think to offer any but it doesn't take away from what you accomplished (unless you are doing it specifically to be rewarded). If all I can do is listen to someone pour out their heart (speaking is therapeutic) without needing any solution of advice, I am more than happy to help. Heck, most of the time they won't take the advice anyway.

4. Be thankful. Appreciate that I can experience the world-it's beauty, it's ugliness, the clear blue skies and fresh mountain air of home or the brown polluted one here. Everything works together to contribute to my experience of my life. My life experiences are completely unique to me. I may share experiences with others but no one has exactly the same story as I do. No one ever has and no one ever will in the history or future of the world. Isn't that something? You will be the only you that ever lived.

These are simple but they help me get through each day, especially #4 on days that don't go so well.

So on that note, I keep thinking of things that I would like to do but I don't think I've actually written them down anywhere.

1. Go to one of every major sporting event in the world (that I care about)
         -World Cups: football (trying for Brazil 2014), cricket
         - A Superbowl
         - An NBA Finals game (7 to choose from)
         - the Olympics
         - one of the WTA Grand Slams (not necessarily a final)
   
2. Visit one of the 7 wonders of the world (if I go to Brazil I can try to fit that one in)

3. Present at a major conference in my field.

4. Take a European trip- England, Spain, France, Italy


Note: Every single one of those above requires that I fly to a destination and I am terrified of flying despite having done it many times. It's what I deem a necessary evil. I hate wasting time (riding trains or buses) enough to suppress that fear.

The Double lives of Scientists

I noticed something very early on in grad school. Most scientists or grad students have double lives. I don't mean Jekyll and Hyde like but rather lives outside of science (which is a great thing to have). Many of the scientists I stalk follow on twitter and in the blogosphere are scientists AND writers, exercise enthusiasts, musicians etc. I am jealous. From an early age, I was a serial student and that has been my life up to this point. I don't play any instruments. I can write decently for assignments and I dislike exercise (not loathe it but outside of the health benefits-I don't find it pleasurable. Zumba doesn't count). I've posted on here about my need to find a hobby. Something to do that is completely separate from my work and pleasurable. I honestly don't know if I can since I feel like I'm to old to start and commit to anything [at my age-late 20s]. The sad part is that my lack of a hobby actually takes up more time than I'd like it to in my waking consciousness.

I've always admired people who can multitask. One of my best friends was a brilliant student, plays steel pan and took piano all through high school. I admire real student athletes who are scholars and great athletes. I honestly don't know how they do it but I think that starting early in childhood has been an asset.

So why didn't I participate in any extra curricular activities? Well for one, there weren't many opportunities available in the rural village that I grew up in ans the few that were available were closed off from me. Or rather I was closed off from them. If given the opportunity, I think I could have been really good at netball or volleyball. the few times I've tried during adulthood, I enjoyed it and was complimented by others. But I was never given the opportunity. I was raised by a patriarch who believed that education was the be all end all. If you showed academic promise early on then your sole focus would be academics with ZERO outside distractions. It never occurred to him that it may actually add value to your life.Never mind that he was an avid cricketer and footballer all through his youth into old age. Nope, my siblings and I were confined to school, home and church. Thankfully my brothers have found something that interests them and they are really good at it. They take karate classes. I'm really proud of them both for being able to break free of their 'shackles'. Me not so much. So I am here, in grad school, still trying to find exactly where I can fit in.

Dee

I wonder...

If I knew how my life would have been and had a choice, Would I have chosen to come into the world?

If the insight only showed the first 16 years of my life then most probably not. No I didn't have an AWFUL childhood (as in I was always fed and clothed) but sometimes the emotional burden which one has to endure may dwarf that physical provision. Never being good enough, constantly under the threat of loosing life or  limb (male parent always threatened that if Moi did not do well in school-first in class- moi would would be maimed), waiting for the big screw-up that will result in the abandonment of the "no beatings" policy. Although the pain of those few beatings that were endured has long since faded, the emotional scars of the tongue lashings remain and are revisited quite often-too often.

If however, I would have been told that despite carrying those emotional scars, I would end up here then I think I would have braved those turbulent times for a shot at what it today. I like my life now, though I am not quite satisfied with what I've done thus far. I know that I am very much capable of doing more and I will do more-not an option.

I have my faith and some pretty strong convictions which were forged from the flames of that time. I am a feminist-not a man hater but someone who believes in accepting and celebrating women for who they are as well as who they are not and they are NOT men. I developed independence. I left home at 20 to go to college although I had never been away from my family for any amount of time. I am now here, again leaving the home I knew for 4 years and diving into the unknown. And proud to say I am making it. I've learnt at an early (ish) age to appreciate the simple things of life-here today gone tomorrow. I enjoy blue skies, flowers, birds and even the cold I abhor because it adds to the flavor and story that is my life. I love and I'm loved. I have friends and family who have a ridiculous amount of faith in me-more than I dare have in myself. I have a partner who I've found after much trial and error on both our parts. Our journeys to each other were by no means easy but by the time we did stumble upon each other, broken-hearted and about to give up on that kind of love, we knew enough to recognize what we saw in each other. Two years in and growing closer despite distance and time, I'm thankful I found him.


 I have a story, a voice and now I have a platform. I've been given opportunities I could only dream of and I hope to do the same for others someday.

So I think I would brave those first few years that have carved me into woman I am today.

Dee

Testing

Just got my phone and testing out this app. Will make it much easier to blog more consistently since I''ll be able to at times when I'm idle (not much of that but few opportunities arise) e.g. on the bus

I miss Twitter...ALOT!!!

I decided to take a break from twitter to help better manage my time so that when I do get back on I won't be spending as much time on as I used to. But I have to say, I really miss it. I miss knowing whats going on with the virtual family I have followed into. I look forward to my return later this week.

Weird Things I Think About

Musings of my mind...will continue to update as the weird thoughts come through

1. Was Jesus the product of Parthenogenesis?

2. Was Jesus homozygous at every locus (2 exact copies of all His chromosomes)?
           this one kinda has me thinking since Mary was female and would result in Him having 2 Xs- was 'He' even male. Then again, if I believe that God made man from dirt, it shouldn't be a stretch to believe that he could convert an X to a Y to accomplish his goal.

The dreaded "Annual"

Tomorrow, I'm having my cervix examined....Urgh. I'm treating myself by cheating on my plan by blogging today AND tomorrow.

On a serious note, it's kinda necessary since my family with whom I share mitochondrial DNA have a history of  reproductive system issues. I'm not yet 30 and have had 2 colposcopies-both were fine but it's still unnerving.

Take care of the vajayjay ladies, might come in useful some day (if it hasn't already). Til tomorrow,



Toodles.

Dee

Update: I just got the results and they were normal. Yay me!!! My very first normal pap smear.

A somewhat successful week

I've just escaped returned from a small gathering honoring a member of staff. This served as a very real reminder of what I think I hate the most about science-schmoozing (which they call networking). It's when you go around a room and strike up short conversations with people that you barely know in the hopes of getting your name out there, finding out what people are up to and potentially setting up the foundations for future collaborations.

The thing is, I can't just walk up to someone and strike up a conversation. I feel really awkward. If someone I know is talking to them and I come by and join the conversation, I can go along but otherwise I'm doomed. I participated in recruitment activities for new grad students this past spring and on every occasion I hung out with the same people in my department who I had known. They engaged the students and I stood, laughed and smiled where appropriate and offered a few comments or answered questions. I have already decided that I will not go through that torture again. I can handle lunch or dinner but not large scale events (or even small ones with people I find intimidating).

I am so not cut out for the mainstream science careers where networking skills are a necessity to get ahead. I like to build relationships, start slow and progress not jump in.I realize that it will be almost unavoidable during graduate school and I have two options-try to 'fix' this fear by going to more and more activities or try to avoid them as much as I can. I am committing to neither. Time will tell which prevails.

Btw, I did make sure that the honoree and a few other people saw me there so that people can say that they saw me if my boss asks.

Now, on to better things. This week I finally set up my first committee meeting. It is in a little over a month so I really need to start working on my presentation and reading more literature. It isn't the qualifying exam (that may be in fall or spring depending on my workload). I am excited yet terrified. I hope that I can present one of those talks that I see others giving at grad student meetings or seminars. i will work on it though I make no guarantees.

Over the weekend I posted that I would be having a conversation at the end of July. Guess what?? I couldn't wait. Something triggered me and I had the talk last night instead. I was essentially me telling LD Partner to get his act together or we'd have to end this relationship so that we could both move on. We had a really long heart to heart. I realized that I've been really short with him the last few weeks and that I was part of the problem. We weren't talking as much a and that was getting to me but turns out, it was partly my fault. He said he began feeling awkward when we talked because I would give harsh responses so he stopped talking altogether. Another thing that lead me to deciding on the talk was my view that he was growing spiritually. I'm a Christian (raised Catholic but tending towards Reformed Theology) and as a rule, a Christian can't marry a non-Christian or part-time Christian, which is what most of the Catholics I know are. Off course this is long distance so I can't observe everyday differences so I relied mostly on our conversations to determine whether any changes had taken place in the weeks since his last visit. Enter problem -we weren't doing much speaking. When I did bring it up last night he revealed that he was doing things differently, thinking differently and reading his Bible more. That warmed my heart but I want more and spelt it out to him. He agreed with me and we've decided to move forward as a unit with better communication.

From my 2 month jump in the timing of the conversation, you can see that I'm fairly impulsive. Eg 2-I went online last night ans saw that the new smartphone that I had been stalking for the last month was available for preorder. Wouldn't you know it, I placed my order. It certainly didn't help that my phone has been acting up lately. My trackpad doesn't work right, my cursor jumps all over the screen when my phone is in sunlight (or outside in general even in winter). So I bought a phone. But before I bought the phone I bought cases for the phone. Talk about cart before horse. I bought a set of cases for $11 (5 cases in various  colors and 3 screen protectors). So now I wait with baited breath until my cases and phone arrive in the mail so I can play with my shiny new toy.

All in all, I'd say I've had a pretty decent week out of lab. In lab, not so much but I won't bother going into the details of sorting out optimum PCR conditions or waiting on things to arrive to get going with experiments.


Toodles,
Dee

T- 2 months

I anticipate that in two months I will need to have "A conversation". Why? There are issues that I am dealing with right now which I anticipate will not be resolved by then. It's sad to think about but giving this 2 months to sort itself out is very generous of me. Tomorrow isn't promised so I am going on God's good grace that I will be here in two months to have this conversation. I am posting this so that I will have proof that the conversation was not spur of the moment but rather a long process. On August 1, I will post about whether I needed to have said conversation or not and expound a bit one what I am dealing with now and how it is resolved.

One hurdle crossed...

It's Wednesday again. Time flies, especially when you're having fun. Now that I have a designated blog day, I find myself itching to blog more but I won't. I am intent on sticking to the plan that I have laid out for myself. So whats happened since last week?

Big news: I have a Thesis Committee. Dr. PI and I had been talking about it for a while but stuff came up (a big grant proposal) and it took a back seat. Thankfully, I knew who I wanted on it for the most part- one spot was a toss up. We thought of getting an MD since we study a disease but in the end decided to go with a PhD with the option of bringing in an MD later. On Wednesday I got a "gentle reminder" that I was approaching the end of Year Two and needed to have the committee in place before then. That was great because by the time Friday ended, I had 5 confirmations to my requests. I got 0 rejections so I only had to do the dance once. For that I am thankful. I haven't spoken to many people who have gotten rejections but I am not great with them, especially after my fourth rotation ordeal which I will post about later. I am really happy to have it out of the way. Hopefully i will have all my signatures in place by Monday and turn in my form. Then I will really start panicking about the introductory meeting. 

This brings me to my next point. I need to develop a "Polker Face". Seriously. I can't hide how I feel. You can tell exactly how I'm feeling by just looking at my face. This may not be such a good thing at said meeting since they will know when I'm annoyed, exasperated, etc. I don't want to give my emotions away in a flash. Eg, if I get asked a tough question it will take all my will power not to look heavenward or roll my eyes. I need to start working on controlling my face and appearing expressionless. 

This past weekend was Memorial Day weekend and I actually took the day off. I needed to regroup since an experiment I'm trying to iron out keeps giving me mixed results. I went to  Big City Closest to Mine with some Chinese friends to eat "dim sum" and shop and an international food market. It was an enjoyable trip despite the endless 3 hour drive (6 both ways with stops for gas). I hate driving long distances but I decided t go on this trip to get away from My City since I haven't left it in about 21 months. Now it's back to work.

I have been going to Zumba consistently and I even bought some gym clothes. Nothing fancy but more comfortable for taking the trek to the gym. I am very self conscious.

Anyway, off to do some imaging to I can run to the gym.

Toodles,
Dee.

I know more than I think

I am going nuts because at some point in the near future I need to have my first committee meeting and meet the people who will decide if I am able to continue on in this journey. I feel like I know nothing but I started a ppt to jot down the main ideas I'd like to address and realizing that I do know  a thing or two. Oh brain, why do you do this to me??

One week in

A week (or so) ago I posted about things I want both immediately and in the distant future. I think the actual post itself helped me put things in perspective and I'm becoming happier that I deciced to do this. Last week I decided to blog regularly so Wednesdays have become "blog post day". I have had so many ideas for today's post that there is no way that I will remember it all (write down brilliant ideas should be on my list off new lifestyle changes-I always have great questions or ideas that I seem to forget).

So in addition to "blog day", I have also instituted "mouse room day" which is Tuesday  (morning). My research group (3 of us..haha) uses mice as our animal model and I sometimes dread going down there. The tech takes care of most of the general housekeeping duties but I have a specific colony that I take care of and I essentiall put off going there until the last possible oppoyrtunity. This end now!!! Every Tuesday regardless of whether matings are going on (unless I'm uber busy and know that all is well) I will go check up on my guys.

I need to develop good habits which are so easy to start but so hard to maintain. If I stop one day, then all is shot to hell so I have written a general list of the things I need to get done and I am trying to stay as true to the schedule as I can. For instance, I re-started going to the gym. I went a few times last semester but I could barely keep up so I stopped. It's a dance class and I am so uncoordinated it's laughable. This black girl cannot dance, YET!!! But I will stick with it for the summer and hopefully I will improve vastly and if not, it means that I kept up the commitment.

One of the scientists I follow on Twitter posted a link to an article which I read and there was some great advice for current PhD students. I don't have it since I didn't save it so sorry, but, it did say that you should work a normal schedule eg. a 9-5 so I have also taken that advice. Before Monday (yesterday) I used to get to lab anywhere between 10 and 11 but I have now decided to go in at 9 everyday and stay till 5 unless I have to stay later to complete experiments. So that is new as well. Waking up is pure hell for me. I can't wake up and be out the house in 10 mins like some people. I need to eat breakfast (instilled from childhood) and shower (I shower 2x daily except on some Saturdays) and most importantly to me prayer/devotional time. Though it is most important it suffers most for now but hopefully as I get used to the routine things will pick up and I can spend QT with the Man up there.

Another drastic step that I took was to take a hiatus from Twitter. I swear I am addicted to it. Facebook Will be next ( I need to wean myself off social networking slowly). I love Twitter. I had 2 apps on my phone and checked them all day long for news, tidbits from all the scifolks I follow and updates into the lives of acquaintance (none of my close friends tweets regularly-IM works better for that). I took the break because 1) I checked it way too regularly 2)I figured that the great scifolks did not have the distraction of Twitter during their grad years and they turned into the awesome people they are now. Don't get me wrong, I use Twitter for news both "regular" and scientific. I follow the Times, ABC, CBS, Science, Cell, Nature so its not all mindless social networking but I need to be able to control my use of it better.

I have begun actively getting ready for my qualifying exam. I would like to set up my first committee meeting at the end of June so I have to get a small presentation ready. I am reading and taking notes systematically, unlike the notes I have scattered all over my apt or attached to the journals from which I make them. I had bought some colored paper a few weeks ago to help inspire me to get on with it (studying) but since then I have re-evaluated and I am getting on with it for the right reasons. So yes, I am using those nice pastel colored sheets to make notes on the various topics which I believe I should be very well versed in in order to successfully complete my Qual/Comp. I started over the weekend and so far so good. Just tonight I read two articles on a procedure I am using in my research and got some ideas for some assays I can use to strengthen my case. I am aiming to have the actual exam in October or November so that gives me ample time to generate some solid preliminary data and write a badass proposal.

Yesterday we got a new rotation student and today we lost her. I was looking forward to having someone around to pass on my  limited knowledge to and use as a reason to read study so I could answer any and all her questions but alas, it was not meant to be. She got accepted into Medical school and will explore whether she wants to pursue an MD or a PhD. Lucky her. We are expecting one later on in the summer so I have time to soak up knowledge.

I changed my cable and Internet provider. Got a real sweet deal from my wireless provider (until they do something that makes me mad) so I signed up for the services from them. I get more channels than I do now and the same Internet speed, and some cash cards. I am trying to cut back on the amount of tv I watch during the week. Last night DWTS finale was supposed to be my last weeknight show until the NBA finals start. After that it will be a juggling act to catch some of the Olympic events that I enjoy: gymnastics, swimming, diving and sprints, without compromising my study time.

One the new friend front, I invited a classmate to lunch and she forgot, then cancelled due to illness and I have not heard from her again. Maybe God is trying to tell me something or maybe the devil is trying to detract me. How am I supposed to figure out which one it is and act accordingly? Oh the puzzles of life. Time will tell. Let's see if she initiates contact since I did the first time.
Update: She did. She messaged yesterday and we had lunch today. It went well and we agreed to do it more often. I am happy.

That was a lot of updating for one week. Hopefully I will have more updates and good news regarding sticking to the plan.

Toodles,
Dee

Starting Over

I have had structure in my life from a young age though not from the start. I was uprooted and moved in with my dad's family when I was 8 and there was structure. I still remember how I felt on the day that I actually moved in. I was afraid of the unknown-new school, new faces, new bed, new family, new life. Based on where I am today, you'd think that it turned out great, but it didn't. I always felt like an outsider trying to fit in-at home, at school and in social settings. I still feel that way most of the time. I have friends, lots of friends actually.Most people claim to have one or two but I have quite a few, though all aren't "equal". I have a couple from elementary school, i added a few in high school and added more at community college and then a few more at college. I l have most of the ones I started off with though some have been left behind.

But back to structure (I tend to digress alot), I had it for a long time and when it is lost I lose my way and don't know what to do. I feel like I am in the middle of the ocean, barely staying afloat and with no land in sight in any direction so I have no idea which way to start swimming. this feeling resurfaced this past year when I joined my "thesis lab". In the first year, the program was all laid out-classes and rotations. Now that I am in my lab (though I do have to take some classes) I spend most of my time in lab. There I have no real supervision. My lab is 4 persons-PI, Postdoc, LabTech and me. Pi doesn't spend much time in lab except for coming in randomly to discuss the project, give a few ideas on the direction he wants to go (2-4 hrs of discussion between 3 of us [minus Tech]) and then leaves myself and PostDoc to our own devices of implementing his master plan. PostDoc is going through stuff of his own both in lab and at home and has his own projects which he wants to develop and work on so I am pretty much on my own. I don't have a very strong research background. I have 1 summer internship to my name and a senior project designed by my mentor and me together and done by me under his close supervision.

I don't mean to be whiny because I sort of knew what I was getting into here. I thought I could handle it and motivate myself so I would be able to thrive here but I couldn't. I had rotated with a Micromanager who wouldn't let anyone but the lab manager make buffers. That is for another time. My problem is that I have no set guidelines or know how to proceed when I have little guidance and no real deadlines. I work too well under pressure and usually leave things to the last minute. At the last minute I will rage and cry and scream at myself for waiting until the last minute but I will get the work done. It is a cycle that I have repeated many times. I know that it is unhealthy and I would like it to stop before something really disastrous happens. I am actually working on it. I set deadlines for myself but they don't ever seem to be of much help-probably because I know in my head that it is imagined instead of set in stone.

So I am embarking on this new project to change my habits and hopefully help me thrive in this work environment. I usually try to make sweeping changes in my life which I always fail at keeping up. So with that acknowledged, I will pace myself. There are lots of things I want to do and change but I realize that I cannot do them all at once and be successful. I want a hobby, something which can give me gratification, which isn't time consuming but will help me cope with the stress of grad school and being alone. I want to be a mentor. That is funny since I have no real good example of what a mentor should be but I do. I would like to help young persons, particularly women of color to realize their full potential. I hate that they grow up in a society which places importance on money, celebrity, fashion and the overall objectification of our gender. I want to tutor elementary students (I think high schoolers may be too far gone and that my efforts won't yield fruit [selfish I know but it's how I feel]) in math and science and hopefully steer them towards careers in my science or STEM. I want a car. I can't drive, I've never learnt but I do want to learn and own a car. That is a very long term goal since I can't afford one right now. I am being responsible and paying off my undergrad student loan right now. I wish that I wasn't. I wish that I could be irresponsible and not care but I can't. My mom and aunts ingrained the importance of fiscal responsibility in me and I can't abandon it. So a license and car will have to wait but I hope to one day own one. I want to travel,especially home. I hate flying but it's part of the package. Again, I am held back by other financial responsibilities so I don't have much left over for anything fun. Since coming here for graduate school, I have never left. I have not seen my family or friends in over a year (2 yrs in August).It hurts sometimes especially when I feel depressed but it can't be helped. I can't afford it yet. I would like to clear all of my credit card debt and use the payments towards saving for a trip home. Hopefully I will be done in June or July and start the "trip home fund".

All of the above are great but there are more immediate pressing goals. I want to take my Quals (graduate school exam to be admitted to candidacy). The deadline is before the end of 3rd year. I had initially planned to take it this past April but work got in the way so my new self imposed deadline is November. I want to commit to daily devotional time. I will expand on matters of faith in future posts. For now, I am a Christian trying to walk the straight and narrow path but encountering obstacles along the way which make the broad crooked path appealing. I want to make a new friend. I have been here 2 years and don't have someone I'd call a friend here in the city. I don't have anyone to hang out with or call up to go to the movies, for drinks or talk to face to face. I want to write a post a week. I will try my best to keep to this commitment and others that I have set up in order to achieve the other immediate goals. I will discuss those individually in future posts and update on my progress.

For now, I must run.

Toodles,
Dee

Spilling my guts

I started this blog with the aim of emptying my thoughts into the universe and releasing them from the holding cell that is my brain. Thus far I am doing a terrible job. I still have those thoughts, and I often say, "I will blog about this" but I find myself too lazy to put in the effort to type. If I could speak the blog into existence it would probably have well over 100 posts by now since my brain is very active. I think of all kinds of  things: politics (and how much I hate it esp when it intrudes in on science), my faith and all the ways I am failing at living up to God's expectations of me, where I am and where I'm headed in life and much more.

I had to deliberately commit to writing this post. I logged in and was immediately sucked into reading some of the new blog posts on my reading list. I almost didn't write my own. I get distracted very easily. I always decide to do something and something else comes up and before I know it I have no idea what I started in the first place. It is an area which I desperately need to work on but haven't a clue where to start.

I'm in lab after having a day of mixed results. Run a PCR overnight and I wasn't pleased with the results so I had to run it again. I'd been putting it off for weeks, maybe months but I finally decided to get it done and over with. I'm glad that I did. That's one thing crossed off the virtual list. I was also able to take some pretty great pictures (PI is pleased) of my ES cell colonies that I'm growing. I was even able to see some GFP positive ones which is a bonus and felt like icing on the cake. We a writing a grant based on my thesis work and I the green colonies means the construct that I spent months building works. Hooray!! for me. I also had some not so good results with a DNA prep that I was trying to do. I don't think that the phenol that I used to make the phenol/chloroform was good. so I have to go back to picking colonies in a while (literal pain in the neck being hunched over the microscope). Overall its been a good day.

The best thing which happened was personal but I dare not share on here. Let's just say that I learnt a very important lesson and I have a new outlook on my life.

I've been doing a lot of blog reading in the last few weeks and I honestly think that blogging is one of the most awesome "inventions" ever. I love reading posts from people around the country or world who I can relate to. One of them started back in 2009 when she was nearing the end of her PhD and blogs about her experiences during and after with advice tossed in. This experience has been a bit strange for me. It may be difficult to believe since I attend a pretty big university with a large graduate school and I am part of an incoming class of more than 70 in my theme but I feel terribly alone sometimes. Reading the experiences of someone who has been through it and survived, and has "stuff" that I can identify with makes me feel better. Feeling this alone may be due to the fact that 90% of my time of of lab is spent by myself. I have been here almost 2 years and I have no one I can call a friend. I have acquaintances from classes, people I smile at in the hallway but there is no one person or group that I hang out with. Maybe while reading previous and future posts a general idea of the kind of person I am will form and my predicament will be easier to understand.

All of my friends live far away from me, even the in-state one who live 1 hr away by car is technically far since I don't drive. I talk on the phone and IM but it's not the same as having someone physically present. I am going to actively attempt at developing relationships with other "real" people but I have such low expectations for that endeavor that I doubt anything will come of it.

As you can see, there was no real theme here but I felt like releasing these thoughts so that I can make room for some more.

Hopefully my future posts will be more themed and organized like the ones I enjoy so much.

Toodles,
Dee.

Harsh Realization

I have come to a harsh realization. i'm not sure how I am going to "recover" from it but I will. Life goes on though not always as we expect or how we would hope. I'm going to need all of my strength and faith to endure but I will. I am a survivor and will be better for it. Some lessons are best learnt the hard way.

"The night is darkest before dawn"

Dee

A Saturday Morning in April

I'm sitting in bed right now and it feels great. Of course I have gotten out of bed  but I came back and I love it. I don't get to spend much time in my bed, a place I genuinely love. I currently have dough rising so that I could make "bakes" (a sort of fried version of bread).  LDPartner is in the kitchen doing dishes and preparing a salad for breakfast. These are moments I cherish-the simple things, like having someone else in the apt to talk to or even better cook for me.

I've been feeling foul for the last few months- a lazy, going-through-the-motions kind of feeling. I hate it but I can't seem to get out of the funk. I have so much that I need to get done, so much I want to do but I can't seem to get myself to do it. I feel like I'm trapped inside of myself (weird I know) but its like there is the rational me who has all these lists that need to be worked on. Then there is another person who couldn't care less. this couldn't care less person is in charge of controlling my body so nothing gets done. I need help!!! Maybe I should make use of the counnseling and wellness center at my institution. Figure out what kind of "unresolved issues" are holding me prisoner inside myself.



LD Partner is here for one more week and we have done none of the things we planned except eating out alot, and some of what we didn't plan (don't ask). I'm off to make those bakes.

Toodles,
Dee.

Observation

I was looking at the old posts and I have realized that my spelling has been atrocious!!! And it's not because I can't spell but that I don't read over the posts which are usually typed in haste. Will try to do better moving forward. I will be using the spell check in the future.

Later!

Why am I doing this to myself?

It's been nearly (in two more days) a month since my last post. Let's just say I've run through just about every single emotion known to man during this time. I have had really high highs and really low lows, and all in between- both at school/work and in my personal life. The good news is that I am still here. There are days that I feel invincible and that I can conquer the world-curing my disease of study along the way. Other days I wonder why in the world am I voluntarily puting myself through the torture of failure after failure for the ever elusive and fleeting successes that pop up ever so often. I will let you know when I figure out a truly philosophical answer. Until then, I will return to my lab bench and continue building plasmids and running gels to confirm their accuracy.

I read an article on contentment and it seems to be something that I need to work on (especially the part about being content when things aren't going well-puzzling I know)...I will leave you with these words from Paul,

 Philippians 4:11-13

¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Toodles,
Dee.

PS #Oomf is here visiting which makes me oh so happy but has me feeling oh so sad at the same time.

I'm still here

I know it's been a while since my last post. I've been busy trying to troubleshoot some issues with an experiment in lab. I think I have it worked out now so on to the next issue. I will do better in the coming weeks. I promise.

Toodles,
Dee.

It's Already Monday again!!

It is Monday once again. I swear, as soon as I realize it's the weekend, it is over. But this is a special Monday. Today is my last day of DevBio class. I really enjoyed it but waking up to get to class at 7:55 was beginning to take it's toll. I will miss my classmates. The worst part of the morning is that I was unanble to enjoy the reward which Brad (Dr. Yoder) brought in this morning-Dunkin' Donuts. I gave up sweets/junk food for Lent and boy, I must say it is a sacrifice because temptation is all around. I have cookies I bought before I went on the fast in the cupboard staring at me each time I open it up. I am however determined to see this through. I also just got my stash of Samoas (girl scout cookies) over the weekend but have to wait till after Lent to indulge. Last time I tried a fast from sweets I failed (blame tamarind balls). I have none this but will be getting some at the end of the fast [someone is coming up for a visit  :)].

In other news, my experiments are not doing what they should. Thankfully I'm in the initial inexpensive phases so I think I'm going to restart and hope it works out this time. Say a few prayers...they would be appreciated -if you have His ear.

S/N The gorgeous Dr. Hill Harper (of CSI fame) will be speaking here at the university tonight. I am not too far gone to appreciate his appearance  (from my couch) but I am way too tired to do much more so I will not be attending said lecture. I will however try to attend a lecture by the Surgeon General who is a UAB alum. She'll be here on Thursday. In addition, her lecture is during the day.

Anyway folks, I leave you with this verse from scripture which is what I need to hear myself:

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"

Toodles,
Dee


So I just read that Hill and President Obama went to law school together (Harvard) and are close friends so maybe I should reconsider, since if I buy one of his books and he signs it and shakes my hand, I would be shaking a hand which shook the President's hand (recently too since he was at the White House recently- I follow him on twitter).That equals one degree of separation. Hmmm.

It wasn't so bad.

This morning I had to present a lecture in classing on Stem Cells and Clinical Potential. I had prepared my slides complete with notes with the hope that the presenter view in ppt would work. Thats a seeting where the projector shows your slides but you see the lides and any notes you may have made. Well guess what, when I tried it, it did not work and I had very little time to actually fix it so I went rogue (lol). I presented without the notes. I didn't ty anything elaborate, just went along with my slides, didn't read from them, gave information on personal information, referenced papers that were relevant and It went well. My classmates actually said "Good job" which is high praise coming from your peers.I prayed alot about this because I am terrified of public presentations. I can talk to a large group of my peers but standing when everyone else is sitting plays on my psyche.

But today, I presented on a topic that I am familiar with, I read up on and I think I am on the road to curing my stage fright (with lots of prayers and trusting God thrown in). I'm remeinded of Paul when he was chosen to preach the Gospel and complained that hehad a thorn in his side, but God said that He would use Pauls weakness as a symbol of the power of His grace.

2 Corinthinians 12: 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Toodles,
Dee

A mini post

This here is just to keep the momentum going cuz He knows that if I stop, there's no telling when I'll restart posting. Got an email from my Genetics prof about test #2 results. From the looks of it 4 persons failed and though I did well on the first one, I am not so confident now. Going to get my results now. All I need is B for a pass so that I don't have to retake it.

*biting nails*

Dee

P.S. I got that A!!! Yay. I don't have to retake it. Now I need to refocus on the DevBio cuz I just realized that the quizzes I've been taking for granted will determine my final grade. At least I've got the class participation part down.

Life...Death....Life Again???

So this weekend we have all (or most of us) been shocked by the news of the passing of pop icon Whitney Houston. Call me weird, but since accepting Jesus as my personal Lord and Saviour, everytime someone dies I wonder about where they will spend eternity. Had they accepted Jesus' offer of Salvation? Alot of the time, without being judgemental, the answer is there. Of course human beings are ultra sensitive about the dead and questioning one's eternal home seens callous and unfeeling but is it really?

What happens when we die? Do you believe in God...heaven and hell? Do you believe that if you died today that you had done what is necessary to earn a place in heaven? Can you "earn" a place in heaven? How does one get to heaven? Is it by going to church, actively doing good, or by not doing bad, or by making a life changing decision?

These are all important questions to ponder in life because we can only secure our place in heaven while alive. Death is an end of sorts, and after it comes judgement. Once dead, our fate is sealed. I know what I believe, but do you? What are your beliefs based on? What you were told, taught or what you sought?

I believe that we are Saved through Faith alone in Christ alone through Grace alone. This means that, on my own, being born in and of sin, nothing I do will be sufficient to pay for those sins against God. But, God, in His infinite grace and love for me sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross and take my sin upon himself. By accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour I have clothed myself in His righteousness..all my sins have been washed away and I am a new creature, reborn in Him. I believe that my belief in Him is all that I need in order to have eternal life. But with that comes certain responsibilities: sharing His love and saving grace with others and being His representative here on earth.

What about you?  Think about it.

Dee

TGIF in every sense of the word

I'm exhausted, operating on 4 hrs of sleep but I am thankful that today is almost over!!!! I blubbered through my presentation but thats ok. I will get better with time. Public speaking is not my forte. I'm headed to a Rascal Flatts concert tonight and I hope that I can stay awake..lol. I think I was in this exact same situation last year on the day of the Brad Paisley concert...think I pulled an all nighter that time. This has been a long busy week but it has been productive so I am thankful.

1 Corinthians 13...

Toodles,
Dee

Never cease to amaze myself

So a few weeks ago I has a take home exam in Genetics class. I got hung up on this one question early on and the way that my brain works is that it cannot move on until the problem is resolved. I worked on this for 2 and 1/2 days before I finally solved it by which time the deadline was upon me and I had cried, thrown a fit, and some other things I am not proud of (Laticia can testify). But!! I solved the problem and had one day to finish the other 4 or 5 questions which I had almost completely ignored up til them. I say almost because I did try to work on them but my mind kept drifting to the unsolvable one. I felt that some data was missing but I was afraid to email my teacher just in case it was all there and I ended up looking clueless. Anyway, there was this other question which I finally got around to a few hours before the exam was due. I had some trouble with it and at one point I even considered not doing it at all and just submitting the exam minus that question. There was yet another that I was fairly confident about...as it was (I thought) rather straightforward.

Well  my good folks, as it turns out, I earned full credit for the one that I had planned to leave out and messed up on the one I thought was flawless (careless mistakes which I could have identified had I read over it). I also did better overall than I anticipated. So the moral of the story is... 1) Never give up and 2) things are not always as they appear to be. <---- not exactly but you get the point.

And update: I had lunch with the Lady from church and it wasn't that bad. There were a few awkward moments. I'm still getting used to the idea of almost 100% of all conversation topics being religious. I feel bad saying it but I just feel that sometimes, there can be other stuff to talk about which need not have spiritual overtones. I am happy about my faith and I recognize my growth based on my thought process but sometimes I would like to be able to not  feel it necessary for EVERYTHING to have a spiritual overtone..undertones I can deal with. But I guess thats a knock on me and not her.

Anyway, Toodles!!!

Dee

P.S. (lol) This does nothing to help me deal with my inner demon called procrastination seeing as I did rather well skimming the deadline. Just saying.

Post SuperBowl Monday

Yesterday was a good day...went to church, studied (a little), read for class and most importanly, watched the Superbowl. I was cheering on the Giants because Peyton's little brother plays for them..nothing against Brady but he already has 3 rings. It was an enjoyable game and it ended with a victory for the right team.

I have to start preparing  for Wednesday's calss since I'm leading the discussion. I also have to present in journal club on Friday which terrifies me but I will try to keep that in the back of my mind. Going to lunch with a Visiting Speaker who has developed a method for differentiating ESCs and iPSCs into intestinal cells in vitro. Pretty cool.

Anyway, back to my reading I go.

Toodles,
Dee.

Happy Hump Day

I'm getting better at this...stoked. So as it turns out, I am taking a develomental biology class and not Lymphocyte Biology this month. Glad I figured this out yesterday and not today. The class is at 8 which is about as terrible as they get but, the course master is lively (not sure how the others will be) so it lessens the blow-and he makes coffee for the class!!! My class goes from fertilization to adulthood so this ought to be good-fertilization, cleavage, gastrulation, morphogenesis, organogenesis. These words sound so good to me..lol. That's me in geek mode. Anyway, back to work. Got some digestions and ligations and transformations to take care of.

Psalm 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
Jeremiah 1: 5 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.
Toodles.

Dee

I'm freee!!!!! (til tomorrow)

I'm writing in commemoration of successfully (I think) completing my first advanced class as a graduate student. I thoroughly enjoyed it and realized that the more I learn, the less I know. I may pursue a career in genetics one day (if Lymphocyte biology doesn't intrigue me just as much). So much going on in research and people outside the field have no idea...wish I could shout from the mountain tops about ENCODE, HapMap, TCGA and all the wonderful projects which will one day enable us to understand who we are as a species.

Dee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuUTJ7gcs8A

It's Monday AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Yes, another weekend has come and gone. I can't believe that January is almost over. Today I get the luxury of going in to lab late...or rather I have taken the liberty to do so. I am working on a take home final for my Genetics class and I am almost done. I am rather proud that I worked on it all weekend and I am not a headcase like I was last time. A new class starts on Wednesday..I think Lymphocyte Biology.I'm not sure..if it is, (it may be tthe March class) but whenever, I am looking forward to insights into T cells, B cells and NK (natural killer) cells. [scientists are not very creative creatures I fear].
Anyway, I better get back to this exam so that I can  be in by 12.  Thinking of going to Zumba again today. I am ridiculously out of shape..I could barely keep up last time..Kelly is a beast and makes it look so easy. It may also be due to the fact that I have done zero dancing in over a year...I'm rusty.

A new command I give to you. Love one another. As I have loved you so you must love one another. By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:34-35.

Toodles..

Dee

Morning musings

In keeping with my post more often endeavor I will post a short note. Currently in lab trying desperately to focus on reading a paper for tomrrow's journal club and failing. I am also blasting Celine Dion through my headphones. Between trying to silence my thoughts which are going a million miles a minute and singing the words of the song...ain't much reading getting done.

Also, I'm planning to attend my first Zumba class today. tried to go once before but instructor didn't show up. I hope it's fun so that I will want to go more often. I need to get my health in order-been focused on spiritual while I neglected physical. Thankfully, I have good genes so it doesn't show.

God is the same today, yesterday and always....Ask, Seek, Knock!!!

Dee

Checking in

Just checking in. I've been terrible about keeping this page updated but I will try. I have decided to take the day one hour at a time, completing one task before moving on to another. Here I am, completing this task and moving one. Going to read an article: "Integrated genomic analyses of ovarian carcinoma". Not light reading I assure you but informative.

Verse for the Day: Psalm 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

Song I keep playing over; What a friend we have in Jesus...

Toodles, till next time.

Dee

2012

Today is just the second day of January and usually I'm about halfway through Christmas break not this year (or last year for that matter). No, I am preparing to begin Semester 2 of Year 2 of my graduate school journey. Alot has happened especially in the last two years and I think that alot of growth has occurred: undergrad graduation, end of a long relationship, entry to graduate school, navigating graduate school, a blossoming romance but the most significant for me would be my spiritual growth.

I grew up in a catholic family so I have been a Christian all my life, I rededicated my life to Christ in 2008 but it hasn't been until now that I really have committed to walking out my faith and not just talking about it. The highs and lows of the last few years have drawn me ever closer to God and strengthened my faith in His presence and influence in my life. I am thankful for the people he has placed in my life to help me grow in my faith.

This year will be a challenging one for me because there are many goals which have been set and need to be achieved-in my personal spiritual growth and in my academic pursuits. Some of the most challenging of these will be changes in my attitude and breaking bad habits. There are quite a few which I think hinder me in everyday life, procrastination being one of the primary culprits. This year I am waging a personal battle with these demons and with God holding my hand and guiding me, I have no doubt that I will prevail.

I look forward to great things in my life and that of friends and family in 2012. (I will also try to post more frequently since TV time has been drastically reduced to make time for other things).

Happy 2012 and all the best throughout the year.

Dee