I wonder...

If I knew how my life would have been and had a choice, Would I have chosen to come into the world?

If the insight only showed the first 16 years of my life then most probably not. No I didn't have an AWFUL childhood (as in I was always fed and clothed) but sometimes the emotional burden which one has to endure may dwarf that physical provision. Never being good enough, constantly under the threat of loosing life or  limb (male parent always threatened that if Moi did not do well in school-first in class- moi would would be maimed), waiting for the big screw-up that will result in the abandonment of the "no beatings" policy. Although the pain of those few beatings that were endured has long since faded, the emotional scars of the tongue lashings remain and are revisited quite often-too often.

If however, I would have been told that despite carrying those emotional scars, I would end up here then I think I would have braved those turbulent times for a shot at what it today. I like my life now, though I am not quite satisfied with what I've done thus far. I know that I am very much capable of doing more and I will do more-not an option.

I have my faith and some pretty strong convictions which were forged from the flames of that time. I am a feminist-not a man hater but someone who believes in accepting and celebrating women for who they are as well as who they are not and they are NOT men. I developed independence. I left home at 20 to go to college although I had never been away from my family for any amount of time. I am now here, again leaving the home I knew for 4 years and diving into the unknown. And proud to say I am making it. I've learnt at an early (ish) age to appreciate the simple things of life-here today gone tomorrow. I enjoy blue skies, flowers, birds and even the cold I abhor because it adds to the flavor and story that is my life. I love and I'm loved. I have friends and family who have a ridiculous amount of faith in me-more than I dare have in myself. I have a partner who I've found after much trial and error on both our parts. Our journeys to each other were by no means easy but by the time we did stumble upon each other, broken-hearted and about to give up on that kind of love, we knew enough to recognize what we saw in each other. Two years in and growing closer despite distance and time, I'm thankful I found him.


 I have a story, a voice and now I have a platform. I've been given opportunities I could only dream of and I hope to do the same for others someday.

So I think I would brave those first few years that have carved me into woman I am today.

Dee