I'm Alone

I haven't been keeping to my regularly scheduled blogging which I will try to remedy. Today i will rant about something I've mentioned before but which came up again. I am lonely here. I am a grad student with 0 friends in grad school which may be a recipe for disaster. I use the word friends to describe people confide in and can call up anytime etc- a BFF. I have people I and cordial with- I smile and try to make small talk with but only when we happen to run into each other. It is depressing!!! I went to a function where everyone else seemed to have other people they know and hang out with and I felt like the odd one out. I had no shared experiences with them so I could not contribute much or know who and what they were talking about. LD Partner tried to make me feel better after I retreated to a corner and started texting with him but he can't really grasp what I'm going through. he lives near his family and is works with and goes out with his friends. He knows that I am a loner since the only place we went with other people was church and bible study. We never had anyone over for lunch or dinner or were invited out. One of the reasons for this is that I don't like being a third or fifth wheel and most everyone I know out here has a partner. So going out with 3 other couples and being alone does not appeal to me. The only other place I can interact with people is church and there seem to be tight knit networks already formed which I feel uncomfortable breaking into. I've also not gone to church for about 3 weeks and no-one has called to see if I'm ok or messaged (except for an older lady I find outrageously nosy and did not respond to).

So, I am alone. My lab has 2 other  people-one older and married with kids and the other younger but probably with other friends since we really don't talk much. I did the initial outreach to a girl I was trying to be friends with. We went to lunch once but since then nothing really except for meetings in the hallways. I'm tired and frustrated and lonely. I am a Christian, I don't swear, I don't drink much (been to bars and don't plan on going again), I'm a homebody. Maybe I should avoid social situations entirely since I only realize how lonely I am after one of them.

Toodles
Dee